Goodbye November

Is it me or did November go by so much faster than it normally does? I feel like November just started, yet it's actually over already. Time is moving too fast for me. I have too much coming up in life that is going to cost money (i.e. Xmas,  Jeni's wedding) and I have no money and no prospect of having much money for any of these events. Ah well... no need to stress about the inevitable, eh? 

Here are some things that made November (short as it was) a pretty great month:

• As you know I started off the month finishing my very first vacation at Disney... so that was pretty wonderful. 
• I substituted a lot... which isn't exactly thrilling, but it did mean $$ which is a positive in my current unemployed state. 
• A had a few pretty decent waitressing shifts as well (and quite a few shitty ones - but let's stay focused on the positives)
• I got to hang out with Ashley and Rachel more than I had been recently - which was nice. I have missed them. I have also learned that even though friendships fade and flicker sometimes - if the friendship is true you should be able to find your way back into the light of it. 
• I also had a few lunch/dinner dates with new and old friends. 
• Dinner and wine nights with my cousin - have remained wonderful. Even though we missed last week! 
• Things with Jonathan have been generally great - with the exception of me REALLY starting to hate WOW and getting sick of the constant computer addiction he seems to possess when it comes to that game. Sometimes I think we don't spend enough time together.....
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 came out. It was amazing and watching it made me commit to re-reading the book. Which I finished in about 2 days. haha.
• Thanksgiving was relaxing- even though I'm disappointed that we didn't have any leftovers since we had dinner at the Woodstock Station.... but it is very nice to feel part of Jonathan's family 
• The Pub Crawl was epic as always. 
• And I had two interviews for a long term position that I'm hoping to get (I should know by the end of this week). 

With November being wonderful there are somethings that lurked in the background to make it... well not so wonderful. Somethings I consider unmentionable in my blog.... but I will enlighten you on 3 of the months downfalls...

1. As frustrating as things have been with my mother... it's a little very disappointing that her only attempt to work things out and get a hold of me was on my birthday (which has now been over a month ago). Granted... I didn't make an effort to call after-wards and I did say to her that I would get in touch when I got home from Florida and I didn't... but I don't think that excuses her. Parents - you call your kids on holidays! It's your job as the parent, to act like one. I think she might be being stubborn because I haven't made an effort with her. BUT I find it VERY frustrating... because when you are a person who messes up and disappointments the people you supposedly love - then YOU are the person who should put in that extra effort. As I will continue to think (until my anger has completely subsided and I can't guarantee when that will be) it is her responsibility to reach out.. since she is the one who royally fucked up. Am I wrong?
2. I completely and totally slacked off when it came to working out this month - well at least these last two weeks. I need to get my ass back on track with that. 
3. As much as I enjoyed Thanksgiving with Jonathan's family - it kind of bums me out that I didn't see my family at all that day. I should have at least seen my brothers. Come to think of it - I don't think I saw them the entire month :(

With December coming in full force tomorrow I have three goals for myself: 

1. Blog more! I'm not going to give myself a #. I'm not going to say I will blog everyday or anything crazy like that... But more. November was weak on the blogging.  October was weak too...
2. Exercise at least 4 times a week! (With the exception of Christmas week - cause it might be hectic)
3. Try my damnedest to embrace the holiday season. Since I have been with Jonathan I have tried each year to love Christmas as much as he does. Now - I personally don't believe "it's the most wonderful time of the year". But for him (and for my own sanity) I will again try to love it. Maybe one of these years it might actually work and I will turn into a fanatic Christmas lover. 

• As an extension to goal #3 - I plan to be super jolly and create small Christmas gifts for people. The reason is two-fold. One - I feel like being crafty and making fudge/candy type treats and Two - I'm broke. And I've heard that it's the thought that counts :) 

Farewell November, Hello December. 

Progress

When I started this blog it was mainly because I was in a funk. Well more than a funk.... I was... emotional, depressed, drowning in my own self pity, generally fed up with life. I started this blog to gain some perspective - to focus on the positive aspects of life. Now - I can't really attribute my "feeling better about life" lately to my actual blogging... since it seems to be few and far between that I actually sit down and focus on blogging, but nevertheless I am happy to report that overall I do feel much more content in life. (holey run-on sentence Batman!)

The summer was hard. Which is odd - because I genuinely love the summer. But not having a job and the bullshit with my mom being so fresh I just wasn't dealing with disappointment very well. And for a few months there I felt like every time I turned around I was disappointed by something else - my mother, my family, my job, myself.... What's funny is - nothing has really changed since the summer. I still really don't have a job and things are still pretty much on the outs with my mom. I'm still stressed about money. I still worry about the future. But I think I have developed a more "zen-like" attitude to all these failures mishaps in life.

Here is what has changed since the summer: 

• One I'm working - Granted I don't really have a full time job per say, but I am substituting in Dracut nearly every day. So I am busy and I am making some money. Not as much as I would like, but enough to get by that I'm not a complete stress maniac. I'm also enjoying substituting much more than I originally thought I would. I like the schools I sub at and I'm getting to know a lot of people... which could be helpful come next year when I apply for a job (yet again) in Dracut. I think in general keeping busy - regardless of what it is that is keeping you busy - will also keep you happy or at the very least distracted.
• Two I'm not seeing a counselor anymore. Now some might thing that this is a bad thing and because I was so stressed and upset and depressed that I should have continued to see my counselor. I disagree. I have decided that therapy is complete crap (unless you have major issues and you feel that it does help you. I don't want to offend anyone.) For me though - it's complete and utter crap. I was seeing my counselor mainly because I couldn't deal with my issues anymore. I would break down and cry... I'd get upset anytime I thought about things too much. But I think that is stuff that you might just have to deal with on your own. It's simple shit really.  So for simple shit, for shit that really can't be fixed... therapy is pointless.... The only real fix to the simple shit is to deal with it head on.  Seeing my counselor every two weeks had negative effects on me. It simply made me dwell on shit that I just can't change (mainly my mother). I think my new way of dealing with it is much better for my mental health. What happens will happen... and none of that is my fault. My mother made certain decisions and all that happens after those decisions were made are consequences she will have to deal with... that I should in no way feel guilty for. So if she doesn't understand why I don't want to dive into a relationship with her again.. that's her cross to bare. She has to deal, not me (well I have to deal too... but this is how I have decided to deal for now). 

In conclusion I'm happy with the progress I have made in the past few months. Do I love my life and am I thrilled with how things have turned out thus far? No, of course not! But I have at least learned to live with it and be content. On most days I'm more than content, I'm actually happy. I still have hope for my future though. I still have hope that things will get better, but if they don't - I have a lot to be happy about and grateful for. I'm perfectly complacent being a...

Keeping Busy

Lately I feel like my life has been all about keeping busy. I feel like I'm always doing something lately, which is fantastic... because doing nothing leads to boredom and basic self-loathing. But literally since I got home from Florida I feel like it has been "go, go, go". Maybe it is cause when I got back I immediately worked 4 days straight... who knows. 

*Side not - sorry I have been scarce on the blogging... but I feel like I never have all that much that is interesting to say. I want people to read my blog - but then I feel this responsibility to keep people entertained...  I hate writing about nothing because I can bet that , that must be boring to read. But if you are reading - thank you :) There are some things I would love to vent and write about - but I think maybe the internet might not be the best place to "air my dirty laundry" per say. Anywho...

Last week I spent a lot of time catching up with friends which was nice. On Tuesday I caught up with TWO friends... had a lunch/coffee date (in which we didn't drink coffee) with my friend Amy and then I had dinner on Tuesday with my friend Katey. I had dinner with my cousin, Jeni on Wednesday and then we went to buy her wedding shoes - MOH responsibilities. On Thursday I had a lunch date with Taryn at the Olive Garden. Then Friday I went to Rachel's jewelry party with Ashley. Last week was a friends week. So thanks to all my awesome friends for being awesome and keeping me busy to boot!

On Saturday I worked and on Sunday I visited with my Grandmother. She just turned 91. Isn't that amazing? 91! My grandfather was 91 as all... I hope I get their good genes and live a long happy life like the two of them. My grandparents are both amazing. I miss my Grampy everyday of my life. And I worry about my Grammy. They are the best people I have ever known. They are also my only true example of true love. People can only wish to be granted with the kind of love they shared. It's remarkable. They were married for 68 years. Incredible. 

Today was another busy day. I ran errands. Went to the gym and had a KICK ASS work-out. Then I made delicious meat sauce to go with delicious stuffed shells.

Then I had an interview in Reading MA for a fifth grade maternity leave position. I feel like it went well. Hopefully I hear back within the next few days to see if I made it to the round two interviews. I'll update when I find out. 

That is all for now. 

Blissfully Bored,

~Tracy~

"What I Did On My Disney Vacation" essay!

Since I am so incredibly bored at work today I figured I would get
caught up and write a blog. Since Blogger is blocked at school I had
to result in writing my blog in my email that I will then copy and
paste at a later time :) On a side note - subbing for a computer
teacher has to be the best/easiest day of subbing ever. Love it.

As promised I must write about how wonderful and fun Florida was. Here
is a brief summary of what we did.

This is the entrance to the area where our room was at the All Star Sports Resort.

Arrived Thursday night. Thursday kind of sucked because it was a day
of traveling. We woke up at 430AM and were at Manchester for a 730
flight. We then had a 2 and 1/2 hour layover in Georgia. We didn't get
till Florida until 230 and didn't make it to our hotel in Disney until
after 3. Once we got there it was wonderful though. We stayed at the
All Star Sports Resort. That night we decided to not waste a pass
hopper day on going to a park so we took the shuttle to downtown
Disney and ate as this delicious Italian restaurant called
Portebello's. Then we walked around a little bit, took some pictures,
and went in stores. We were exhausted from our day of traveling so we
went back to the hotel and fell asleep pretty early. Evan and Jim
flight landed late that night. They got to the hotel around 230AM.

Me with the brooms at down town Disney 

Jonathan with lego water dragon

Friday we went to Magic Kingdom. I think I liked Magic Kingdom the
best. It's classic and just makes you feel like a little kid again. I
loved all the rides and being able to see the castle and all of that
cool stuff. We went on Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Thunder
Mountain... along with a bunch of other classics - including the
Haunted Mansion and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. We pretty much
went on everything.

I was sooo excited to see the castle :)

Saturday was awesome. Saturday we went to Universal. Now Universal and
Islands of Adventure are not Disney parks so we had to drive their
with Jonathan parents and pay for our pass-hopper pass for those two
parks. Universal was pretty awesome. The first ride everyone went on
was this Mummy roller-coaster, which I stupidly skipped out on cause I
saw in the description that it went backwards and I was afraid I'd get
sick. Jonathan said it was AWESOME, so I really wish I wasn't being
such a wuss. We did go on the Simpson's Ride that USED to be Back to
the Future and I HATED that. It made me wicked queasy! We went on a
bunch of other stuff including E.T. which was classic and fun.

At Universal :)

Then we went to Islands of Adventure and to Harry Potter Land - that was
incredible. The Hogwarts ride was probably the best ride we went on in
all of Florida. We also bought all of our souvenirs here. I got a
scarf, a mug and a wand. Jonathan got a mug and a wand.

Hogwarts Castle - enough said. 

 

 

 

My Scarf and our WANDS! Yes we got wands! Be jealous.

On Sunday we went to Epcot and MGM. Epcot was alright. Not much to do
there though. We went in the big ball, on the "test track" and
soarin'. None of those rides were really all that impressive. MGM was
awesome, but the Aerosmith Roller-Coaster was closed :(. We did go on
the Tower or Terror and we were part of the show in the Back Lot Tour,
which was wicked awesome :)

MGM - Hollywood Studios

Epcot

Monday we went to Animal Kingdom. We went on the Everest
Roller-Coaster and on the Safari which was wicked awesome. We also
watched this Bug's Life Show which was really entertaining.

Animal Kingdom

Tuesday we just relaxed and went to lunch with Jonathan's parents. Our
flight was at 445. We got home Tuesday night after midnight... then I
worked Wed, Thurs, Fri both jobs! It was exhausting, but such a blast.
Jonathan's parents are the absolute best and I will be forever
grateful :)