Okay... so I know blogging after a night of drinking might not be the best idea. But I'm frustrated about stupid shit and I need to vent... so where else to do it, but on my blog. So... as you all know.... the fact that I don't have a teaching job tears me apart day by day. I hate it. I'm genuinely miserable because of it. And I know.. this blog is supposed to be about the positive aspects of life, but sometimes it's tough to see the bright side when the one thing you want more than anything feels almost unattainable!
Anyways... one of the most frustrating things about dealing with not having a job is the questions people ask. Now I understand that most people ask questions just to have casual conversation and to be nice.. and I ALWAYS respond in a very casual and in a nice manner, but sometimes the questions make me want to run out of the room screaming. This is how these horrific conversations always go:
Harmless caring person: So Tracy how's the beginning of your school year going?
Me: Oh... not so great. I don't have a job.
Harmless caring person: Oh, you don't? (looking slightly shocked) what happened to your job in Westford?
Me: Oh... I quit. It wasn't worth it, I wasn't making much money and it wouldn't of led to anything substantial.
Harmless caring person: (looking at me like I'm crazy for quitting my job and not having a back up)... ohhh... that stinks sorry. so nothing else has worked out huh?
Me: Nope.. I'm just going to sub and hope for the best...
Then the conversations typically ends or they ask a few more questions which I politely answer about the horrors of my interviews that panned out to zero jobs. I don't fault the harmless caring person for making casual conversations with me... it's definitely not there fault, but these conversations always lead me to feel more like shit than I already do. It just reminds me.. that yes... I went to school for five years and yes I have two degrees and right now the best I can do is wish and hope and pray that my phone will ring so I can go and substitute for 60$ a day in hopes of possibly potentially paying my bills on my own this month... FUCK!